


Revenge is Such an Ugly Word; Reparations is More Accurate

by chicagoartnerd



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cock & Ball Torture, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, HYDRA Trash Party, Hydra (Marvel), I'm not sure how else to tag this but DEAR GOD PLEASE READ THE TAGS, M/M, Magical Healing Vagina, Medical Torture, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Assault, Psychological Trauma, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:36:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1894176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicagoartnerd/pseuds/chicagoartnerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha tortures Brock Rumlow for information on HYDRA's plans after his recovery. Instead he recounts for her gleefully all the times he and other HYDRA agents raped The Asset. </p><p>Nat responds accordingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge is Such an Ugly Word; Reparations is More Accurate

**Author's Note:**

> FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PUPPIES READ THE TAGS.
> 
> This is not a nice fic. This is not a good or happy fic. If you want good or nice go somewhere else. This is my version of a HYDRA trash party fic. I am so, so, sorry.

She had never liked Brock Rumlow.

To be fair she didn’t like a lot of the people S.H.I.E.L.D. had hired but she wasn’t in any position to throw stones. That was one reason they had hired her after all. It was fortuitous that she would place very few moral judgements upon their heads because of all that she had been forced to do, had done, while in Russia.

There was really no reason for her to have any trepidation in torturing him.

Even though her prefered method of information gathering was a friendly chat; she could literally get a man to say almost anything if she pretended she knew nothing. But HYDRA had made this very personal.

The Soldier she knew. Before that shot through the gut in the Ukraine he had trained her in Russia, taught her how to destroy with the lightest possible touch. Efficient in every sense. She had cared for him once. They had taken that from both of them when they discovered it. She had been so young then. So naive. Which was unfortunate for the both of them at the time and now. But she had remembered him. Had hunted for him fruitlessly looking everywhere S.H.I.E.L.D. had eyes, they weren’t looking in a mirror so all those eyes were useless. HYDRA had been hiding him from her in plain sight and now that the dust was settled he had returned.

Not to her but to Steve. Something even she wasn’t able to do. He pulled the memories and emotion from Bucky like splinters from festering pus filled wounds. She was just a bandaid, a salve at best. Rogers could heal him. But there were some things Steve would never be able to do for him. This was one of them. What she was about to do was what none the rest of them could and she could relish that.

Natasha was about to find out how personal HYDRA had decided to make this.

The snap of her putting on thick nitrile gloves made Rumlow twitch a little in his chair.

Nat had thoroughly zip tied him to one that was stainless steel and bolted to the ground. It wasn’t the most secure method but it certainly was one of the more uncomfortable ones. The nasty little plastic ties liked to cut off circulation and dig deep into flesh when pulled against. They tightened and stayed that tight, struggling just cut your skin deeply.

He was striped down to just his black cargo pants and boots exposing the newly healed hairless flesh of his chest. He had been burned over 70 percent of his body. Frankly it was a miracle he was alive at all. Well miracle is not the word she would have used. For some reason neither God nor the Devil seemed to want people like Rumlow. People like her.

If she had been able to get a hold of him sooner she would have had some skin grafts to play with. Peeling those off might have sent him into shock though. And that might have been enlightening for everyone involved.

Now she was pondering if the scar tissue was more or less sensitive than the tanned skin in between it. Probably less as the nerve endings had yet to fully regrow.

She went to the metal cabinet and opened the top drawer. Inside it were several plastic organizing trays. Nat picked up a plastic packet containing a sterile scalpel blade and popped it open before slamming the draw with a loud clank. The blade glinted maliciously in the low light of the cement chamber. It was twelve feet by twelve feet of smoothly tooled impenetrable concrete with a ladder that went to a solid iron door in the ceiling. It was missing every amenity except drain the size of her fist.

This was not a typical interrogation room. At least not one that the general public, and Captain America, would approve of if they knew it existed on U.S. soil.

Everyone in America seemed so complacent when the people being tortured for information were foreign and brown. If that had disgusted her once she had buried it deep down. It was part of her job in the world of today’s modern national security crisis. Nat had liked to think herself better than all of that but here she was. Nothing was beneath her, not even the role she played in that system it seemed.

The scalpel cut cleanly through the top layer of his newly healed skin, she took the two sides of the flap she just made and spread them wide like a gaping red mouth. He didn’t flinch when she began to stitch the cold copper live wire ends inside of him.

The tweezer-like needle holder bobbed up and down in front of his vision as she pulled the black nylon sutures in and out of him a continuous line. They didn’t have to be super secure as she might want to fully reopen the wound to play around in later. She was careful not to install the wires too close to his heart, just in the soft skin right below his ribs where his kidneys were. This was just a test run after all. Later she would remove his pants and insert them somewhere far less pleasant.

The rectum was particularly vulnerable and very few people could keep their composure when you electrocuted them through it. Even though Rumlow was a highly ranked HYDRA operative and member of the S.H.I.E.L.D. STRIKE team there was only so much the human body and mind could stand.

Natasha was acutely aware of its outer limits herself. She had been to the brink of human endurance more times than she could count. That was why she was so good at what she did.

He didn’t look at her when she rolled her gloves off and flipped the switch on the generator. She watched the muscles in his chest jerk and twitch but he didn’t scream. Nat shrugged. This wasn’t really to get him to talk. He didn’t have to for her to find out what she needed to know. No. This was about power. Brock Rumlow needed to know exactly where he stood in that regard.

She cranked up the power and jerked his head back so she could look into his eyes. They were dark brown and blown wide with pain but he was biting the inside of his cheek so as not to scream. In the end that didn’t matter, whether he was silent or screaming, she could still get what she wanted from him.

“Hello Brock. Do you know why I waited this long to pay you a little visit?”

He might have been curious, the little dart of his irises beneath the rising agony gave him away. She switched off the current with a flick of her red lacquered nails and he shuddered under her hands before going limp. Her grip tightened on the back of his neck as she dug her thumb into the soft place where his trapezius met his collar bone. He tensed as her voice sank an octave.

“It’s strange really. The one person on this earth who had every reason to want your excruciating torture and eventual death stopped me from coming for you. Practically begged me not to actually. And I was mystified by it at first so I listened.”

She let go and moved around to face him. Nat was using the truth to tell a story, lies to wring out the truth, real pain made less real with honey slicked words. He needed to believe she would be vulnerable if he struck at her through Bucky. That would be the only way he would talk. Was if he could shove his power; his pointless puril past control over the Winter Soldier, in her face. If he believed he was getting to her he wouldn’t shut up. It didn’t matter if it was true or not, her own feelings were irrelevant. She was on a mission here.

When his head just fell limply to the side instead of looking at her she brought the heel of her boot down hard on his balls. That he did yelp for and his head jerked up to meet her gaze. There was red hot rage reflected there now. Good.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes didn’t want me to question you. He had no problem with a sniper outright shooting you dead in your hospital bed though. That was when I figured out it wasn’t some programming or old sentimentality. There was something you knew that he didn’t want me to.”

Natasha had been trained specifically to read micro-expressions; breath rates, heart rates, sweating, and other bodily functions. She didn’t miss the uptick of a satisfied grin on his face for a fraction of a second at her confession.

“Now at first I suspected him compromised. Rogers would refuse to see it in him if it was true but I was ready for it. But that wasn’t it. He’s not all there, but neither was I when I fled Russia all those years ago. No. It wasn’t HYDRA’s secrets he was keeping from me.”

That fluttering smirk graced his face again and this time she swiftly back-handed it off of him. He needed to know he was pushing her to the edge of her composure. Needed to believe that he was the one baiting her into rage and ill-advised actions. She made her voice shake a little with fury as she continued.

“He might not remember all of it but there is a computer somewhere. A data bank full of files of what was done to him for all those years. I’m guessing you know where it is. Either that or he’s afraid you’ll tell me exactly what you did to him.”

He was breathing heavily when she grabbed his chin roughly and shoved their faces close together. His foul breath washed hot over her face and she gritted her teeth.

“You know I have a pretty good idea of what you did to him. I don’t even have to use my imagination as my handler in the Red Room was a man like you. A man who only thought of himself, a man who thought he was the strongest, the most powerful. But just like him to me you’re nothing. Women are made of pain.”

Nat ground down her heel on his crotch and flipped the dial on the generator all the way up. This time he did scream. She let the high timor of it and whirr of the electricity soothe her nerves. Screams she was used to.

It was the gentleness in the hold of a cold cybernetic hand that haunted her memories.

She removed her heel from brutally crushing his balls and assumed a more comfortable stance before turning off the electricity. Tiny rivulets of blood were running down his arms and wrists from where the zip ties had cut him as he thrashed and convulsed against them. Raw bands of oozing pink flesh peaked out from underneath the ties. His head was flung back and his entire body was trembling with every labored gasp. She crossed her arms behind her back and feigned a bored expression, all of the strength in her core coiled and ready should he try something.

“I don’t actually need you to say anything. You’re weak and pathetically easy to read. Your silence means nothing when your body is yelling out its stories for me.”

He looked at her then.

“Shut the fuck up you stupid self-righteous bitch.”

Natasha raised wickedly sharp red eyebrow at that. When she didn’t respond he flexed his shoulders against the ties. Fresh clear liquid and blood blood ran down his biceps in a crawling pink ooze. He ground out through clenched teeth.

“You don’t know shit. Not about HYDRA and not about The Asset. Do you know why we called him that and not The Soldier like Russia did? It was an inside joke between Pierce and Lukin. The Asset has such a sweet tight little ass hole you know. Not that you can appreciate it Romanoff but God when he cried out and clenched down I would come so hard I could see stars. Didn’t even have to use lube, the slick of blood was good enough and he healed so fast afterwards you could take him again and you couldn’t tell how bad he tore. He was damn near perfect.”

He was smiling now and his teeth were a ghoulish pink from being coated with his own blood. She let her horror and disgust show on her face. Anything to keep him talking. Even if they were her real feelings after hearing his little declaration.

Use your emotions to keep them off balance. Use yourself as a weapon so that you don’t have to fully experience your surroundings. Use their hubris to enable you.

Nat had perfected all of these techniques long ago.

“It wasn’t just Pierce, Lukin, and I who used him either. That mouth of his never looked better than when it was around a cock. That’s why we kept him muzzled in the field. He knew what he was good for and when. It was such a rush. Seeing something that powerful and ruthlessly deadly on its knees keening for you, gagging and choking around the length of you. There’s nothing else like it. Truth be told I couldn’t really get off anymore unless it was inside some weeping part of him.”

She made sure he noticed her jaw and fists clenching. He cleared his swollen throat and spat at her. The bloody pink foam him her in the chest. He wheezed out a barking laugh as she wiped it off her chest with disdain. She opened her mouth to respond with venom but he cut her off. Using his newfound “power.”

“Of course we have tapes, records, not just in that asbestos ridden bank vault but also the laboratories in Austria. Whether he behaved or not he always came to heel or to kneel as the case might have been. You can kill me and delete all the files. Fuck I’d be disappointed if you didn’t but you’ll never be able to erase all the things he did, practically begged us to do to him. You have no idea.”

Nat nodded once and then went to the metal cabinet that had the tray of scalpels and implements on it. She opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a hammer. Nothing special just your garden variety hardware store metal hammer. Then she brought it down on both his knee caps in quick succession, shattering both of them in audible cracks, one right after the other.

His scream went so wildly high it almost became silent. She threw the hammer to the floor and it made a hollow thunk as she reached forward and slashed the zip tips holding his legs to shreds.

He seemed dazed enough that he didn’t try to grab her as she cut the remaining ones holding his arms as well. When he was free she took three calculated steps back and flicked the scalpel into the far corner of the cement cube of the room.  
His hands shook in hesitation for a millisecond before he ripped the cables inserted in his chest out past the blood clotted and knotted black sutures. There was enough time to brace herself before he was shouting and falling at her more than lunging. Nat used his halting momentum to slam his face against the floor. He flipped over, liquid like molten oil under her, and got his hands up to choke her. His hands wrapped entirely around her throat pressed down blindingly hard in desperation. Rumlow still had too much strength left in them to hurt her. She had made the mistake of being too lenient.

That wouldn’t be her final sin though.

Natasha slipped her hands through his forearms smashing them apart and slid up to crush his throat with her thighs.

“There’s two abandoned bank vaults within three mile range of the Triskelion and HYDRA’s labs in the Black Forest have just been dismantled. You might as well tell me.”

He growled as his arms came up to try and grab her before she dug her foot in for leverage and flipped them onto his side, her other leg sliding forward and snapping his neck in a quick jerk.

His entire body went limp like she had pulled his soul and spine right out. Rolling back she stumbled to her feet. Her ponytail had come undone and with suspiciously steady hands she put it back up in place.

“It’s you who have no idea. And now you never will you fucking piece of shit.”

She didn’t need to, it was done, but she spit in his lifeless face regardless. The image of it would lull her to sleep for a few nights afterwards.

The next step was texting the proper services to come take care of the body. It helped to be a former freelance assassin, she had a guy for literally everything. No one, not Fury nor Steve, not even The Winter Soldier, would be able to find Rumlow’s corpse after her cleaning service had disposed of it.

Nat wanted nothing more than to go home and take a scalding shower but she had two bank vaults to visit. Let no one ever say she wasn’t good at her job.

 

* * *

 

 

The chair was just sitting there. She ran her hands along the sweat soaked leather, metal straps, and the cold claw-like apparatus that rewrote people mercilessly. How many times had they strapped him down, lifeless and terrified, to erase all the parts of him that remembered their sweaty hands and clammy stubble soaked jaws? After she got what she needed from the vault she would torch the whole place. The evil and pain radiating off the chair was more than enough to justify it.

A lone cryo-chamber was also there near the data banks. She didn’t bother to examine it, its simple existence was enough of a testament to horror. It was suspicious that no one had come to destroy either the chamber or chair, or to white-wash the entire facility. It was almost like the Winter Soldier project had died with Pierce. And yet the files she found there, synced to a harddrive for her eyes only, told a different story.

All the scientists, Lukin included, were still out there somewhere. Working for HYDRA on a different equally ambivalent morally bankrupt project. The tapes showed her what she had expected to see and a few things she hadn’t.

Rumlow and Pierce had beaten and raped him, tied him up with his face shoved down and his legs spread wide and offered him to rows and rows of black clad HYDRA agents, paraded him around like a prize hound leashed and muzzled. But Alexander Lukin had done far worse.

He had shown him kindness, little trickles of it after he was black and bloody, softly murmured words of encouragement and love as he used his body carelessly. Told Bucky he was loved, that he was desired, that he pleased him and was good. Starved him of affection and then offered him scraps of it when he cried silently instead of screaming.

That was what James had not wanted her to see. He had not wanted her to know how badly he wanted to be loved and cared for. How he had let them do everything imaginable to his body and mind just for a hug and a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

It left her colder than she had felt since leaving the Red Rooms. The bite of Siberia stung and nipped at the back of her neck and left a goose-flesh hand print above her navel. Men had done much to the same to her over the years. Not quite as violently but she had experienced just as much say as Bucky had.

All of them were haunted by ghosts and demons. Most of the devils she had known had the voices and faces of men. She would never think less of him for falling prey to tenderness. She had too. Natasha could never blame him for any of it, anyone who did was a monster.

Too many times to count she had let her heart bleed for others along with her gums and wrists.

Without many of her old contacts tracking down Lukin was more difficult.

She did it alone. Even though Clint offered to help and he was just eye balls deep enough to see clearly on this. He knew she had too many emotions invested to think at peak performance on this. He respected her even though they both knew she was being stupid. So she went alone anyway. Not telling anyone where she was going. To an empty grass covered park in Kharkiv.

He was feeding the birds handfuls of dry corn. He looked older than he had in the tapes that weren’t yet ten months past. When she sat down next to him he sighed deep and low.

“Silas sent word that you have killed all of the research and development team working with The Asset. Every single one of them who have worked on him for the past 70 years. Even those who were old men and women with great grandchildren on their knees.”

She stiffened. One more name to track down it seemed. There would be no justice. Not for her or James.

But there would be reparations. Natasha would see to that. He finally looked at her, his watery gray eyes resigned.

“Are you going to do it here or should we go back to my apartment? That would be more private if you didn’t want to make it quick.”

A quick death was the last thing this man deserved and yet that was what she was going to give him.

“Nothing I could do to you now, tomorrow, or every hour of the night for the next ten weeks would rival even a fraction of what was done to him. So am I going to torture you? No. Your life was forfeit the minute you held his shaking broken body and whispered ‘I will always love you’ to him.”

The silencer on .22 LR handgun let out a dull whump as the back of his head blew off in a splattering of white bone and dull pink gray matter. The small hole on his temple wept a single tear of blood.

Natasha stood up and walked away at a measured pace down the paved path towards the street. She dumped the gun down the storm drain at the curb on her way there, never once looking back.

 

* * *

 

 

Clint met her at Laguardia and paused a heartbeat before leaning forward to hug her. She let him hold her for too many breaths before she pulled away and mumbled.

“Lets go home.”

That night she sat alone in the darkness of her bedroom and looked out on the millions of lights in downtown Manhattan burning brighter than any of the trillions of stars in the sky. She had killed too many people to remember all of them. Some were clearer than others. She could name on one hand the ones she wished she could kill over and over, devising new and more painful deaths for them. That wasn’t normal or healthy but it helped her sleep at night. Alexander Lukin was now on that illustrious list. The list that she would tell to no one.

Nat knew Bucky would come now that she had returned.

She knew what he would ask her as well, and she would tell him, without emotion what she had done. They had emotions and memories between them but he no longer shared them with her. Sam and Steve looked after him in ways she couldn’t. For she too had been unmade once.

There were some things that couldn’t be fixed in her and she couldn’t fix them in James either. So she didn’t even try. He was happier without her even if the opposite wasn’t quite true.

He was silent slipping through her doorway but she could feel his presence behind her anyway. Nat waited and when he didn’t speak she sank down onto the side of her bed. It dipped slightly and she could see the dull glint of his cybernetic arm as he sat down next to her.

“You didn’t have to do it.”

She let out the breath that she had been holding.

Of course she had to. Gregor Balant. Laika. Soraya.

Natasha had slayed her own dragons when she could and watched them die at others hands when she couldn’t. Bucky was in no position to hunt down the monsters that had tried to destroy him so she had done it for him. Nat would have done that for anyone brave enough to call her a friend. But she went as far as she had because he had shown her kindness, small and feeble, but because of him she had once smiled. That was all it took.

The Black Widow was a knife, a .22, a garrott, and the bite of her electric gauntlets.

Natalia Alianovna Romanoff, Natasha Romanov, Natalie Rushman, Nat. This was who and what she was, all of it and because of none of it. Of course she had to. There was no other way for her to show how fiercely and viciously she cared.

Nat rapped him lightly on the temple for being stupid. He didn’t flinch and instead sighed.

“Natasha.”

She stood abruptly and looked down at the lost look on his face.

“I did what had to be done. There is no more and no less to it than that. Is there something else you want to say or was that it?”

He stood up awkwardly almost a head taller than her and leaned down slowly. Slow enough for her to push him away if she wanted, she didn’t. He kissed her lightly on her cheek right next to her parted lips. When he started to pull back she grabbed him by the gaping collar of his black t-shirt and pulled him down.

“You missed.”

She kissed him properly and his strong arms wrapped around her waist. This time when the broke apart she reached up and pushed some of his long hair behind his ear.

“Do you remember the Red Rooms? Do you remember training me in how to take men like you out with the least amount of movement? Do you remember saving me from being thrown from the roof?”

He shuddered under her hands.

“Yes.”

“Good.”

She kissed him harder this time and insinuated her leg between his to push him back down onto her bed. Nat wanted him badly. Wanted to take him apart so thoroughly he could forget everything, all of it, for several white hot seconds. But she held back because they weren’t the only ones involved in this mess of a situation.

“What about Steve?”

She watched his stubble flecked adam’s apple bob tellingly at the question.

“He loves Bucky. He’s good for him and for James but not for The Soldier. He doesn’t understand The Soldier. But you do. He needs you. I need you.”

That was good enough for now. Good enough for her needs anyway.

She swooped down and took his lip in her mouth and bit down on it. They kissed as he ran his hands gently up and down her sides. It was too tender. It hurt her in that deep empty hollow between her ribs. She pulled back and looked down at him with a deadly serious glare.

“I know. Everything. I have seen all of what they did and I am still here. None of it was your fault. None. I will not argue with you about that. Keep in mind I am still here touching and kissing you. When I whisper gentle words to you James they will only ever be the truth. If you don’t know that then we’re done already.”

His sharp intake of breath made her scoot lower down his chest so that their hips met. His eyes fluttered shut as he started to pink up.

“Then you won’t judge me if I tell you I want you to fuck me?”

She smiled wickedly at that.

“No. That’s what I want to do too.”

His eyes jerked open and he looked at her with wonder as she leaned down and whispered in his ear, her nails pulling at his nipple through his thin black t-shirt.

“I want to touch you as deep as you’ll let me James. I desire all of you, even the unfixable jagged shards. Let me take all of you.”

His nod of tortured approval turned into an almost violent full-body shudder under her.

Nat used lube and went slow, constantly checking to make sure he was okay, that what she was doing was the right kind of pleasurable pain.

She didn’t shame him when he wanted her fingers in his mouth and his ass. One hand choking him, his tongue heavy and slick lapping at her palm while her fingers were shoved halfway down his throat. The other pressing up into him, twisting and thrusting hard, as his leaking cock floated erect and neglected between them. His deeps moans of pleasure made her skin tingle and burn. She slipped her fingers out of him and moved her other hand to kiss him hard as she straddled his hips. \

He writhed up against her as she sunk down, breathing out, onto his cock. Nat kept one hand lightly on his throat and used the other one to brace herself as she fucked him, riding him roughly as he helplessly tried to thrust up to meet her. He came with a sustained and strangled shout against her mouth and she slid effortlessly off him.

Bucky was covered in sweat and breathing hard but he still looked at her with determination as he sat up to kiss her soundly and shove her carefully back against the headboard. She let him slip between her legs and locked her heels behind his neck. It didn’t take him too long to get her off, his tongue lapping up his cum from inside of her, sucking and licking hard against her clit. She growled as his mouth pulled her from one orgasm to next, he sucked her through that one as well. His cool metallic fingers dripping with her orgasm slipped just barely inside her to press up on her g-spot making her whole body clench around him as she came again.

They laid down together afterwards, hot and cold pressed up against each other in the tangle of soaked sheets. He leaned up and kissed her temple in silent reverence before drifting off to sleep. She didn’t let the dreams and darkness claim her. Instead she watched the rise and fall of his chest. His blank and peaceful face unmarred with the immense pain and confusion she had seen in several thousand hours of security and medical footage. Things that she would not wish on her worst enemy were done to this man she loved. There was no enough blood on this earth to make them pay. She would have to answer herself for what had already been spilled.

All that red, the price of settling a score, this was why she had paid it. For the little things. The sun rose and bathed the planes of his naked sleeping form in a white gold glow.

She felt clean and light.


End file.
